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Archive for April 23rd, 2008

I am pregnant with my 8th child (7th pregnancy)…and something weird is beginning to happen to me…

There are times I don’t know how to keep on coping with my symptoms. What are they? Good question!

I suffered through them during most of 3 pregnancies and now they are just beginning to happen again. It started happening in the third trimester the first and second time. It started happening in the 3rd month(!) the last time. I have been holding the symptoms back as I felt them sneaking up on me from day one this time.

I never had a name or a diagnosis. There was never a name I could put on that beast that tortured me. There was no language for me to even describe my symptoms to the medical personnel that tried to help me… “I…just…feel…awful…” doesn’t’ cut it for a diagnosis…no matter how many different doctors you see.

Now, I have some words. It is hard to get them out all at once because, you see, after the baby was delivered each time my mind made me forget most of it. There are times that I am soooo exhausted, but my body won’t let me stay asleep. It goes into overdrive and one of the most debilitating thing is the release of adrenaline that comes without warning.(..no sleep is a bad thing. and pregnancy tired is nothing like the exhaustion of the non-pregnant…your body will punish you mercilessly until it gets what it needs for the baby. ) The adrenaline is like a poison in my system leaving me with such a jittery “fight or flight” response.

My throat would feel like it was closing up a bit too…so they think that it just may be that something that I am coming into contact with while pregnant is affecting me most especially at
night… “a pregnancy sensitivity”. I am trying to do all I can to support my body naturally and get the rest I need. I too find the
worst hours are usually between 2 and 5. I was told
that sometimes when there is an imbalance in the body,
your hypothalamus which is right next to the sleep
center in the brain goes into overdrive and it happens
most especially at those hours of the
night…interesting…

After awhile I feel like I am drowning every time I drink water and feel like I don’t want to swallow because it feels like it is too hard to swallow…(eating can be very important)….not to mention that breathing is not a comfortable thing. I start to lose my voice and my tongue feels heavy in the back similar to the feeling you could have when holding your arm up (…you want to put it down but in my case, it is already down). I was told this time to check for VCD Vocal Cord Disorder…I am going to see a new specialist about that. The last specialist (during my last pregnancy) proclaimed me fine and sent me home. I also had an ultrasound scan done and it showed a “slight swelling of the thyroid on one side that can be normal for pregnancy”…and as you guessed it…I went home.

These symptoms over time are very debilitating. Even IF I could do something about it, it isn’t even as if I can just go into a corner and nurse myself to a comfortable place…there are people needing my care. Even though my children try to help, no one can really do my job. I am a MOM after all…LOL!

There are those that think I
just may have some kind of mold/chemical sensitivity
that when I combine foods that are tainted with both
my body goes on overdrive…we are trying to
investigate that. Meanwhile there are so many
counting on me and some nights I can’t sleep during large portions of the night.

I hope that I can find out what ‘IT’ is and make things
better.

What makes it even worse is that I can’t think straight
during these times or even pray close to well…I keep
messing up the words and getting confused…and to
make it even worse, I have to force myself to try to
go to sleep and pretend not be as afraid to fall
asleep as I really feel….only to wake up within 5
minutes and have to try all over again. It doesn’t help that dh’s alarm rings at 5 am and the kids start waking up by 6:30. Sleep is difficult. Sleep is a lot of work. Pacing is my favorite sport. There must be a permanent rut running through the living room, dining room and kitchen.

I remember after recovering a few days after my last baby was born. I began to pray the rosary and found myself waking up after I started the Our Father….I didn’t know that sleep was so easy. I did it again while trying to pray a Hail Mary. Wow…sleep became so much fun!

I am trying to do all the right things health-wise and it
is so agonizing to think that in order to bring this
baby into the world, I have to go through MONTHS of
these symptoms. Please pray I can find the right
person to help me and the right combination of rest,
exercise and food that will heal me instead of hurt
me.

I prayed to Our Lady of Guadalupe to heal me even
before I got pregnant even though I only have these symptoms while pregnant.
I said, “There are those who
would abort the life God gave them in the womb. Here I
am willing to say yes to life and God for as many
times as He would grant it and yet it is terrible for
me to go through these pregnancies.” I asked for
healing and then I told her I would try. God loved this baby so much He wanted him/her to have life and for me to be his/her mother even though I would have liked to have waited a bit longer. I feel so blessed!

I really need support to get through this. I am like
a warn-out war victim that finds herself in war again. I did post this info on several of the groups I belong to and the response has been so amazing. I think that there are so many of us that choose life and find it hard to feel that we are not alone in our sufferings because people don’t share that information very often with each other. I know that I am more apt to stay silent among certain friends and family whose response to our larger family is “can you afford this” instead of “Congratulations!” to pregnancy announcements.

These same people when hearing you are suffering instead of heart-felt support or a helping hand, they offer criticism: “See? THIS is exactly why you should never have a large family!” Oh! My favorite is…”you are just stressed out! After all, I could never do your job…” and if a doctor is prideful and does not want to say “I don’t know what it is…” he is more apt to prescribe a pill for anxiety…which I know is not my problem.

Sorry, I just don’t buy it. There is a little precious soul that God in His infinite WISDOM, LOVE and GENEROSITY has gifted my family with. He has chosen my dh and I to be this child’s parents from all eternity.  Sure things can be hard at times.  I have never known anything in my life that was worthwhile that didn’t get a bit hard at times.  As a matter of fact, it made me appreciate it all the more.   ..and I love this baby!  The symptoms are mine.  The baby is fine and I can’t wait to hold this precious bundle in my arms in October!  PLEASE pray me over the finish line!  It IS a marathon!

My last pregnancy ended in my first C-section. I
thought about how appropriate that after all I
endured, I had to voluntarily stretch out my body in
the shape of a cross and let them do what they needed
to with me…even though every fiber of my being made me want to just get up and leave the hospital…that was a powerful thought!

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“Remember that education is a difficult art, and that God alone is its true Master. We will never succeed in it, unless He teaches us the way. While depending humbly and entirely on Him, we should try with might and main, to acquire that moral strength that is a stranger to force and rigor. Let us strive to make ourselves loved, to instill into our pupils the high ideal of duty and the holy fear of God, and we will soon possess their hearts. Then, with natural ease, they will join us in praising Jesus Christ, Our Lord, Who is our model, our pattern, our exemplar in all things, but especially in the education of the young.”

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