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Archive for April, 2008

I am pregnant with my 8th child (7th pregnancy)…and something weird is beginning to happen to me…

There are times I don’t know how to keep on coping with my symptoms. What are they? Good question!

I suffered through them during most of 3 pregnancies and now they are just beginning to happen again. It started happening in the third trimester the first and second time. It started happening in the 3rd month(!) the last time. I have been holding the symptoms back as I felt them sneaking up on me from day one this time.

I never had a name or a diagnosis. There was never a name I could put on that beast that tortured me. There was no language for me to even describe my symptoms to the medical personnel that tried to help me… “I…just…feel…awful…” doesn’t’ cut it for a diagnosis…no matter how many different doctors you see.

Now, I have some words. It is hard to get them out all at once because, you see, after the baby was delivered each time my mind made me forget most of it. There are times that I am soooo exhausted, but my body won’t let me stay asleep. It goes into overdrive and one of the most debilitating thing is the release of adrenaline that comes without warning.(..no sleep is a bad thing. and pregnancy tired is nothing like the exhaustion of the non-pregnant…your body will punish you mercilessly until it gets what it needs for the baby. ) The adrenaline is like a poison in my system leaving me with such a jittery “fight or flight” response.

My throat would feel like it was closing up a bit too…so they think that it just may be that something that I am coming into contact with while pregnant is affecting me most especially at
night… “a pregnancy sensitivity”. I am trying to do all I can to support my body naturally and get the rest I need. I too find the
worst hours are usually between 2 and 5. I was told
that sometimes when there is an imbalance in the body,
your hypothalamus which is right next to the sleep
center in the brain goes into overdrive and it happens
most especially at those hours of the
night…interesting…

After awhile I feel like I am drowning every time I drink water and feel like I don’t want to swallow because it feels like it is too hard to swallow…(eating can be very important)….not to mention that breathing is not a comfortable thing. I start to lose my voice and my tongue feels heavy in the back similar to the feeling you could have when holding your arm up (…you want to put it down but in my case, it is already down). I was told this time to check for VCD Vocal Cord Disorder…I am going to see a new specialist about that. The last specialist (during my last pregnancy) proclaimed me fine and sent me home. I also had an ultrasound scan done and it showed a “slight swelling of the thyroid on one side that can be normal for pregnancy”…and as you guessed it…I went home.

These symptoms over time are very debilitating. Even IF I could do something about it, it isn’t even as if I can just go into a corner and nurse myself to a comfortable place…there are people needing my care. Even though my children try to help, no one can really do my job. I am a MOM after all…LOL!

There are those that think I
just may have some kind of mold/chemical sensitivity
that when I combine foods that are tainted with both
my body goes on overdrive…we are trying to
investigate that. Meanwhile there are so many
counting on me and some nights I can’t sleep during large portions of the night.

I hope that I can find out what ‘IT’ is and make things
better.

What makes it even worse is that I can’t think straight
during these times or even pray close to well…I keep
messing up the words and getting confused…and to
make it even worse, I have to force myself to try to
go to sleep and pretend not be as afraid to fall
asleep as I really feel….only to wake up within 5
minutes and have to try all over again. It doesn’t help that dh’s alarm rings at 5 am and the kids start waking up by 6:30. Sleep is difficult. Sleep is a lot of work. Pacing is my favorite sport. There must be a permanent rut running through the living room, dining room and kitchen.

I remember after recovering a few days after my last baby was born. I began to pray the rosary and found myself waking up after I started the Our Father….I didn’t know that sleep was so easy. I did it again while trying to pray a Hail Mary. Wow…sleep became so much fun!

I am trying to do all the right things health-wise and it
is so agonizing to think that in order to bring this
baby into the world, I have to go through MONTHS of
these symptoms. Please pray I can find the right
person to help me and the right combination of rest,
exercise and food that will heal me instead of hurt
me.

I prayed to Our Lady of Guadalupe to heal me even
before I got pregnant even though I only have these symptoms while pregnant.
I said, “There are those who
would abort the life God gave them in the womb. Here I
am willing to say yes to life and God for as many
times as He would grant it and yet it is terrible for
me to go through these pregnancies.” I asked for
healing and then I told her I would try. God loved this baby so much He wanted him/her to have life and for me to be his/her mother even though I would have liked to have waited a bit longer. I feel so blessed!

I really need support to get through this. I am like
a warn-out war victim that finds herself in war again. I did post this info on several of the groups I belong to and the response has been so amazing. I think that there are so many of us that choose life and find it hard to feel that we are not alone in our sufferings because people don’t share that information very often with each other. I know that I am more apt to stay silent among certain friends and family whose response to our larger family is “can you afford this” instead of “Congratulations!” to pregnancy announcements.

These same people when hearing you are suffering instead of heart-felt support or a helping hand, they offer criticism: “See? THIS is exactly why you should never have a large family!” Oh! My favorite is…”you are just stressed out! After all, I could never do your job…” and if a doctor is prideful and does not want to say “I don’t know what it is…” he is more apt to prescribe a pill for anxiety…which I know is not my problem.

Sorry, I just don’t buy it. There is a little precious soul that God in His infinite WISDOM, LOVE and GENEROSITY has gifted my family with. He has chosen my dh and I to be this child’s parents from all eternity.  Sure things can be hard at times.  I have never known anything in my life that was worthwhile that didn’t get a bit hard at times.  As a matter of fact, it made me appreciate it all the more.   ..and I love this baby!  The symptoms are mine.  The baby is fine and I can’t wait to hold this precious bundle in my arms in October!  PLEASE pray me over the finish line!  It IS a marathon!

My last pregnancy ended in my first C-section. I
thought about how appropriate that after all I
endured, I had to voluntarily stretch out my body in
the shape of a cross and let them do what they needed
to with me…even though every fiber of my being made me want to just get up and leave the hospital…that was a powerful thought!

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“Remember that education is a difficult art, and that God alone is its true Master. We will never succeed in it, unless He teaches us the way. While depending humbly and entirely on Him, we should try with might and main, to acquire that moral strength that is a stranger to force and rigor. Let us strive to make ourselves loved, to instill into our pupils the high ideal of duty and the holy fear of God, and we will soon possess their hearts. Then, with natural ease, they will join us in praising Jesus Christ, Our Lord, Who is our model, our pattern, our exemplar in all things, but especially in the education of the young.”

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well…lets see…

I am trying to shed the last of this first trimester nausea….I have come up for air and I have found that my house needs a fire hose and a snow shovel to  make it look better.

…and no volunteers in sight!   wonder why….hmmm…

We were just survival-schooling for awhile.   Meaning…taking it slow and hitting the basics and trying hard not to think of the of all of the wonderful experiences that we were missing as the Liturgical year was unfolding.  That is hard to do when you fall in love with ideas and they remain ideals and don’t fit into the real living moment…

I have kept up my exercising regime.  We have been walking and hiking at some of the local parks.  I did find that one of the parks has this wonderful work-out trail that I would not want to handle again in quite the same way…

What I thought would be a short romp through the woods turned out to be a long steep hike…uphill… to the top of a ridge on a not-so-well-maintained trail that had us reaching the top as the sun was going down behind the next ridge….oooh my!  It is a good thing my ds(12) gave me the “Gandalf” staff he had found on the way.  I needed it to keep me from falling off of this little mountain as I struggled to keep up with my dh, 3year old (!) and the other kids.  We made it down to the bottom just as it became impossible to see anymore…and all of that walk took every bit of 2 hours!

You try hiking when  you feel really nauseated.  It is an experience that brings to mind my  dh’s  words…

“Whatever doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger”

note to self: (IF anyone tries to tell me that my 3yo dd is not old enough to hike, I just let them try to follow her next time ;o)

I went to this wonderful healing Mass at our local church.  Fr. Larry Hess (of the yellow prayer card) had this wonderful Mass, talk, and then they prayed over people.  It was definitely not an evangelical-type healing service that you see on TV…it was beautiful and respectful and very peaceful.  If you recall, I had a very hard time the last 3 times I have been pregnant and I have been staving off the awful symptoms by resting quite a lot, diet and lots of fresh air and exercise.  As co-incidence would have it, I ended up sitting right next to a stained glass window of the Good Shepherd which is the Psalm I have been praying whenever I would have any night-wakefulness.  It has never failed to bring me some kind of comfort.  Gazing at that stained glass image, I really had a chance to meditate on it and think of God’s loving care of His suffering lambs as Fr. Larry gave his wonderful talk on suffering.

As i was waiting on line to have them pray over me, the lovely people that were singing began a song based on the 23rd Psalm …”The Lord is my Shepherd…”  Sure that was a co-incidence…right?  No!  It was a God-incidence…the whole day was.  I think I walked away with a deeper sense of God’s presence and also knowing that no matter what He asks of me this time in this pregnancy, I feel very assured that He is holding me through the whole struggle.

Sigh!

So that is it in a big nutshell….

and I am really yearning to make new Montessori things for the kids to learn from.   I really want to jazz up the Geography and Grammar areas especially…maybe I will share later ;o)

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Dd (7yo) was doing some independent reading and when she finished the book, she sighed, closed the book and asked:

“Do you think Noah had a place for the fishes too?”

Me: “Noah?”

Yes, you know, like Noah and the ARK?

oldest twin dd(14:  “I think the big place that he prepared on the outside of the Ark was big enough to hold them..” ;o)

While on a nature walk along a local river…

Mom: “Ok, Kids. Don’t push each other because you will fall into the water…and don’t come any farther this way…it is all MARSHland…realllly muddy…”

Sunshine boy (5): “But Mom? Wait!! Where?! I want to see!! I don’t see any of the Marshmallows! Show ME!!”

Before the supervan moves to transport our clan anywhere I call roll….By the time I get to Sunshine Boy (5), instead of yelling “present!” like the others, he yells…: “I am a PRESENT!!”

…yes you are, dear boy! :o)

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7 random facts

I was tagged by Donna at Island in the Grove

7 Random things about me –

  1. I am very devoted to the Blessed Mother.
  2. I am only 5’3 and my dh is almost 6’9 proving that God has a sense of humor…
  3. I love to cook food from scratch…trying to use as healthful foods as possible and don’t like the taste of anything that isn’t homemade
  4. My dh’s family averted major disaster TWICE. Once was when the Susquehanna river overflowed into the coal mines of Pennsylvania and that was the ONLY day that his grandfather didn’t go to work due to a terrible cold. He would have been the first one in and the last one out of the mine… Second was when his great-grandmother and two other female family members were traveling across Europe from Hungary to catch a boat to America. They were poor folk and one in the party got sick and delayed them a day. By the time they got to the docks, the Titanic had already sailed and they most certainly would have been below decks…
  5. I don’t own a microwave or a toaster. I have to make so much toast that I just use the oven and I sweep it out regularly.. and the microwave?…I just don’t think that they are safe and they do weird things to food anyway.
  6. I was always fascinated with twins while growing up. I loved to ask them incessant and annoying questions. In my dad’s family there were two sets of fraternal twins. God granted my wish and I had identical twin girls in my first pregnancy. They were a lot of work and broke me in as a mom very quickly. Now they are my best friends! …oooh BTW…if YOU want twins, just go to Disney World on your honeymoon…
  7. I have long brown curly hair that looks like a spiral perm. My dh swears that each hair has a mind of its own.

The Rules –
1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself

4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

Lets see…

Bridget 

Michele

Jennifer 

Jenn

Andrea

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I was eating my quick impromptu dinner which was loaded with salsa…I was trying to get done so I could power-walk at the park.  I was very thirsty and my lips were beginning to betray me and threaten to leave my face as they were on fire.

I asked in general…”can ANYONE get me a big glass of water?”…and there was a tap on my shoulder.  There stood my sunshine boy(5) with a huge glass of water and a huge grin on his face.

“I thought of this all by myself!”

I forced my lips into smooching my lovely son who went skipping out to the rest of the gang in the other room…”I gave mommy a glass of water and she loved me SOOO Much!” -grinning from ear-to-ear!

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