I know most of you live in perfect kitchens ;o) but truth be told, mine is continually marauded by food nappers of the sticky fingered kind.
Contrary to popular belief, cocoa goes far when it is dropped on the floor and I have to say that the toddler’s footprints running through it and into the dining room is awful cute…in a manner of speaking. (and you know when you are done for when you think "Ooh that would have made a GREAT Blog pic!") Tomato sauce does stain the inside and outside of the fridge door when scooped out by a furtive hand and it makes neat smeary marks on the white kitchen floor….that can be washed into light orange neat smeary marks.
And against medical advice, the Easter Chocolate is gone….the only thing left is a wake of dark and light brown looong almost parallel lines across the molding and around the kitchen doorway….(how thoughtful! I have help with a kitchen remodel). How did all this good fortune befall me? I tell you, there is an epidemic and I need to arrest this beast because I am not willing to clean up after it anymore!
Oh, this marauding beast, (because none of my CHILDREN would ever DARE to do such a thing…) is quite a purloiner of pablum. He is feeding himself in ever deepening capers that are deposing even the most carefully planned meal. The object of his furtive fetish is mostly my refrigerator.
And worse thing…about this underhanded urchin, is that he leaves a fast-food trail of ick wherever he goes. Even IF one of these capers was swung by some "innocent" child, IF said child was ever snagged, the masterful kleptomaniac never remembers any wrong doing….ever. And those big baby blues (or browns) speak total truthfulness I tell you!
Those artful dodgers …oh yes, there must be more than one….they must post a guard and they must be extremely cunning as they lie in wait till the coast is clear and the moment is theirs alone!!(ie when Mother is in the bathroom or on the computer….nah, they wouldn’t DARE take advantage of a mommy moment when I am perusing my
emails ahem…culture….would they??!)
How do you catch them?! It must stop. It must stop now.
I marathon cooked yesterday and this large beautiful 18 lb turkey was one of the things that I cooked. Can you see it? Its crispy golden brown skin…meat~cooked to perfection~, not a dry spot of meat anywhere… It is a work of art!
I left it in the fridge till today so I could slice and dice it into several "heat and eat" meals. I was patting myself on the back for my time saving skill thinking about how I am just beginning to evolve into a masterful homemaker. It was just last night as a matter of fact….then… dh asked with a touch of "Real Life" in his voice…
"So, how are you going to keep the kids out of it when they awake?"
Gullible Mommy… "Oh, I KNOW they won’t touch THIS. It says "Dinner" alll over it!"
Dh…..just don’t call me at work when your plans don’t hatch the way you are planning ;o)
Gullible Mommy .."Oh Ye of little faith! I will just post a note!"
I heard the fridge open.
I sounded out the warning…"Don’t even THINK of touching that bird!"
I finally got back to the kitchen, opened the fridge and found (to my dismay) several rough gouges taken out of the bird’s poor wounded side. The note, smeared in turkey fat with it’s neatly printed sharpie words bleeding as though it had encountered a mortal wound was laying in a crumbled heap on the floor.
"Ok, which one of you TURKEYS did THIS?!" Mother demanded with a hand on the hip as most of the suspects were assembled. There met her ears a slight snoring sound in the distance. Aah…the missing character was located.
I *THINK I know who did it this time…the one dear dear son sleeping soundly in the bedroom. Snagged by tryptophan! Who needs to be a CSI and find trace under the fingernails…I have this powerful tell-tale chemical on my side. Finally, I am not alone in the responsibility for fingering the fiend.
hmmm…I do think that the floor under the fridge should be the next area that the malefactor attempts to burgle into cleanliness. I tell you, crime does NOT pay!